Gruff Cross-Dressing Grandma

As the semester is winding down, in most classes you start seeing the real-world application of what you've been learning.  In the school's law clinic, some students will get to go to court before the semester is over, some will not.  So that everybody gets some "court" experience, we hold a mock trial, complete with student attorneys, witnesses, and faculty playing judges.  The idea is to teach you how to make opening and closing statements, conduct direct and cross-examinations, object and make motions, and generally learn how a trial runs. 

The students were each randomly assigned to one of three courtroom and to each role.  Our client was a fictional grandmother trying to get legal custody of her two grandchildren who she was currently raising.  Their fictional mother was the opposition.  Because the students were randomly assigned to each role, we sometimes had males playing the role of the grandmother or mother.  In my case, my "grandmother" client was a fellow law student who is over 6' tall, has a beard, and was wearing a suit. 

Getting up in front of your fellow students is a very nerve-wracking thing.  My voice was very shaky as I made my opening statement, and my opposition admitted later she was extremely nervous too.  After opening statements I called my first witness, my "grandmother" client.  Just as he takes a seat on the witness stand, the judge says, with a completely straight face, "The Court will ignore that this witness is a cross-dressing grandma who needs a shave." 

At that moment we all nearly fell out of our chairs laughing.  Once we managed to compose ourselves, we were able to continue with the trial.  I don't know if the judge did this just to get us to relax; all I know is that we were definitely a lot less nervous when we started up again.  Unfortunately my poor partner's new name around the clinic is "Gruff Cross-Dressing Grandma."  I guess it just rolls off the tongue a lot easier than his old name.

Weekend Update

This past weekend was a busy one filled with family, friends, and wine as well all got together to celebrate my brother's recent marriage. 

I got to see my niece discover broccoli for the first time, and apparently it feels good on her teething gums.  I got to see my cousin's son walk for the first time (first time for me seeing him, not for him walking).  I got to see my brother's new niece follow him around like a little puppy (I think she has a crush on him).  I got to hear the news that there will be a new addition to my extended family soon (sorry, I can't share details until they do)! 

There were family I hadn't seen in months, and friends I hadn't seen in years.  One old family friend confused my brothers (they don't look that alike!).  Some friends of my brother kept staring at me.  Another friend claimed he and  his wife met me 5 years ago and faked being offended when I didn't remember them.  Of course, I haven't seen them in the 5 years in between. 

Mixed in were a couple of soccer matches (World Cup) and a few tennis matches (Wimbledon).  Both of the teams I cheer for are out of the World Cup, and there were a few upsets at Wimbledon. 

All in all, it was a great weekend.  But I'm dead tired and ready to get back to school!

Fashion

What I like about today's fashions is that you can pretty much wear anything and still be in style.  For example, you can wear a fitted shirt or a billowy blouse and still look good.  That really came in handy this morning when I put on a pair a jeans and realized that I had accidentally shrunk them.  They still fit but are a little too snug at the waist, creating that oh-so-lovely muffin-top look.  But grab a billowy blouse and problem solved!

Bumper Stickers

I like to think that the only reason people have bumper stickers on their cars is to make me smile, like they specifically think of me as they're sticking them on their bumper.  I've seen some good ones over the years, but I have a new favorite -- "My dog is smarter than your Honor student."

There are a few reasons I like this bumper sticker:

• My parents never put one of those "My child is an Honor student" stickers on their cars, and it annoyed me that other parents did
• I've met some pretty smart dogs, and some pretty dumb Honor students, so it might actually be true
• On the other side of the car was a bumper sticker that read "My child is an Honor student at xxxxxxx Elementary." 

And just for kicks, here are some other favorites, or at least some others that I can remember at the moment:

• I have not yet begun to procrastinate
• I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully
• I'd be a morning person if it didn't start so early in the day
• I take full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault
• I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of all the things hiding in the dark
• Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

Father's Day

Today was a typical Father's Day for me.  I called my dad and wished him a happy father's day while wishing I was there to give him a hug.  A phone call will have to do this year.  Later I called my brother, who is celebrating his first father's day.  I'm sure his little girl made it a special one.


I had the greatest dad growing up.  I'm sure that's what everyone says, but in my case, it's actually true.  I remember my dad was the one who would read me bedtime stories and get rid of attacking insects when I was little.  He's the one who learned how to play tennis so that I would have someone to play with.  He's the one who risked whiplash as he patiently taught me how to drive a stick shift in the school parking lot.  There are too many memories to pick a favorite and I'm lucky enough to still be adding more. 

When I see my brother with his little girl, I think about all the memories they are making together, and I can't help but smile. 

To all the fathers and soon-to-be fathers, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Catching up

I can't believe I haven't written anything in more than 2 weeks!  But in my own defense, it's been a really busy 2 weeks.  I can't think of what I did during those 2 weeks, but I must have been really busy or I would have written something, right?

Here's the short version of my last 2 weeks:

• I had my first ever court appearance.  I now have a 3rd-year bar card, meaning I get to practice law under the supervision of a real lawyer.  I think it's a great idea, because you get to learn the ropes while someone holds your hand.  Most law students don't get this opportunity, because you have to get a lawyer to agree to "sponsor" you under their license.
• I made a trip home (with my brother and sister-in-law) to see my dad for his birthday.  We spent the weekend doing absolutely nothing, but we were together and that made it perfect.  I wish my other brother and his family would have been there too, but it didn't work out.  
• I finally got all my grades back for the spring semester.  I was getting pretty annoyed at my last two professors.  They have exams that were completely multiple choice and still couldn't manage to get the grades posted in a reasonable time.  Professors have 30 days from the exam to post the grades, and they took full advantage of that.  
• I decided to get off my butt and get back into shape.  Actually, I decided a long time ago, but I just recently started doing something about it.  And yes, technically I am in shape (round is a shape), but not a shape I'm particularly happy with at the moment.  
• I helped a friend out by masquerading as a judge (name "The Judge") and signed orders banning bugs from entering her house.  All bugs have been found guilty of trespassing and received the death penalty.  =)

There's a lot more that happened over the last 2 weeks, but that's all for now.  

The Real MIBs

Today, I saw the real-life men in black.

I was stopped at a red light in front of a federal building in downtown Dallas.  I looked over at the car next to me, and there they were -- two men were sitting in a black SUV wearing black suits, black ties, and dark sunglasses (quite possibly Ray Bans).  They even had the slicked back hair.

I guess they could have been something like the BAU since they usually ride around in black SUVs and I can't remember actually seeing the MIBs in black SUVs.  But the BAU doesn't usually wear the black suits.  I know that it's possible they were just two guys sitting in a car, but there was just something a little too familiar about them.  And it really doesn't help that they were in front of a federal building either.

I just thought I'd mention it before it was permanently erased from my memory. 

***************************************************************************************

The good guys dress in black, remember that
Just in case we're ever face to face and make contact
The title held by me, M.I.B.
Means what you think you saw, you did not see
So don't blink be what was there is now gone
The black suits with the black Ray Bans on

Walk in shadow, move in silence
Guard against extra-terrestrial violence
But yo we ain't on no government list
We straight don't exist, no names and no fingerprints
Saw something strange, watch your back
'Causes you never quite know where the M.I.B.s is at

Now from the deepest of the darkest of night
On the horizon, bright light enters sight tight
Cameras zoom, on the impending doom
But then like BOOM black suits fill the room up
With the quickness, talk with the witnesses
Hypnotizer, neuralizer, vivid memories turn to fantasies
Ain't no M.I.B.s, can I please?

Alright check it, let me tell you this in closing
I know we might seem imposing
But trust me if we ever show in your section
Believe me, it's for your own protection
'Cause we see things that you need not see
And we be places that you need not be
So go on witcha life, forget that Roswell crap
Show love to the black suit, cause that's the men in
That's the men in black

"Slacker"

I have a handful of very good friends who affectionately call me a slacker.  Or so I thought.  As it turns out, it might not be all that affectionately after all.  For some reason which only makes sense at 2:00 am, I decided to put my lawyering skills to work and find out exactly what it is that they mean by calling me a slacker.

A slacker is defined as a dodger.  A dodger is defined as a shifty person.  And shifty is defined as tricky, crafty, foxy, deceitful, untrustworthy.....  Hmmm.......  I'm thinking I don't like my friends.  Of course, it's always possible that I chose the wrong words to define.  Let's try this again.

A slacker is defined as a dodger.  A dodger is defined as a leaf hopper.  And a leaf hopper is defined as any of numerous, homopterous insects of the family Cicaclellidae that suck plant juices, many being serious crop pests.  Great, so now I'm a pesky little grasshopper.  I'm still not liking my friends.  Ok, let's try it ONE MORE TIME.

A slacker is defined as a dodger.  A dodger is defined as a shifty person.  Shifty is defined as foxy.  And foxy is defined as attractive, stylish, exciting and appealing.  Ok, I like my friends again.

Feeling Old

Normally, I like it when men act like gentlemen, when they open doors and pull out chairs and call you ma'am.  But someone called me "ma'am" today and it made me feel old.  I didn't like that.

I was in the elevator at school.  Just as the door was closing, I heard someone ask me to hold the elevator.  I did, and as he walked into the elevator, he said "Thank you, ma'am."  Normally, I would think this was just someone being polite.  But coming from a twenty-something that looks about 15, it just made me feel old.

So to prevent this in the future, here are my amended rules for gentlemen:

• Open doors
• Pull out chairs
• Say please and thank you
• Do what you say
• Don't call me ma'am

Thank you.  

p.s -- I reserve the right to amend these rules at any time without warning.  :)